best SNL members

ok, you may have noticed that i like lists. here's another one. top 10 SNL members. here's how i define "best"... most versatile, most consistently funny. can do a lot of different characters... in other words, not a one-trick pony. here we go:

10. Jan Hooks - i don't know what to say about her, she was just funny.
9. Norm MacDonald - am i spelling his name right? anyway, i cheated on the rules. he's just on here for Weekend Update. so unbelievably witty.
8. Molly Shannon - "don't get me started, don't EVEN get me started". if you haven't seen this sketch, rent Best of Molly Shannon.
7. Dana Carvey - yes, i know the humor back then was a lot more tame, but he was still funny. and you 15 year-olds that have seen the reruns just don't get it. he was funny. although his stand-up was unbeLIEVably NOT funny.
6. Amy Poehler - i think i'm falling in love with her. although i've kind of fallen in love with most of the female cast members. whatever, she's wicked funny.
5. Rob Schneider - yes, he's done some bad movies, but he's hilarious. wow, these comments are all starting to sound the same.
4. Chris Farley - a lot of people put him #1, but that's a mistake. while he was great, there are cast members who were more valuable. now we're getting into the REAAALLLLY versatile guys.
3. Chris Kattan - watch the airport first date sketch on the Best of Molly Shannon... he steals the sketch and hardly says a word. unreal.
2. Will Ferrell - do i need to say anything here? no. he and farley seem to be the most popular picks for #1. i've got one better though...
1. Phil Hartman - phil hartman was a true genius. he could do DEAD-ON impressions, be the "announcer guy", play any character and NEVER, EVER, EVER start laughing in the middle of a sketch. he was never crappy in anything. i think he was the most versatile and consistently funny cast member of all time.

worst cast member of all time: janeane garafalo - this kills me to say this, because i think she is the best female stand-up comic i've ever seen, BY FAR. but let's be honest, she never fit in on SNL.
most overrated: darrell hammond. you're an ass clown, and you're not funny. your impersonations aren't that great (sometimes), and you're a douche. i feel better.
most underrated: david spade. ok, a lot of people know he's funny, but don't give him credit for being funny on the show.

my guilty pleasure.

I admit it.

I'm addicted to Laguna Beach.

Yes, I know it's a terrible show. It's emotional drivel, it's sappy, who knows if it's even real (although i think it is), the "characters" are incredibly shallow, it perpetuates a lot of teenage stereotypes (not that i care about that), but GODDAMN i can't stop watching. i don't care.

Poem: I Wish These Kids Would Get The Fuck Out Of Here

Leave, you little bastards.

Wait, I can hear your mom calling you.
I can barely hear her. Something about, "We're going to Chuck-E-Cheese" or "the arcade" or something like that.
But she says to hurry.

The sign says "no swimming", dipshit. Of course, I'm swimming, but fuck off, I was here first.
Now, all we need is an infant. A crying, hungry, dirty-diapered infant. And a dog.

Oh wait, they're all here too.

a little advice

don't hate the playa, hate Ben Affleck movies.

top ten simpsons episodes... w/ little commentary

so i hate it when i stumble upon a simpsons list on the internet for several reasons. usually, they are the same episodes, and a lot of times they shouldn't even be in the top ten. another reason i hate them is b/c they leave all this commentary crap, explaining the whole episode. guess what, pal? if i think the episode is funny, i'll download it, douche.

here's one final reason most simpsons lists suck. people leave quotes from the episode that aren't funny when typed out, like if you have to type out facial expressions. ok, i feel better now. so if i write commentary, i'll make it short.

10. Brother from Another Series - Cecil and Sideshow Bob.
9. You Only Move Twice - The Simpsons move to... uh, that other city. Hank Scorpio.
8. The Mansion Family - Mr. Burns goes to the Mayo clinic
7. Lisa On Ice - "You're fighting for your parents' love!"
6. Radioactive Man - "Now this is real acid, so I want to see goggles, people!"
5. Homer Goes to College - "Hey... that wasn't the wallet inspector."
4. Treehouse of Horror V - "That's odd. Usually the blood gets off on the second floor."
3. Behind the Laughter - "The Simpsons' dreams were riding on a wing and a prayer. But the wings were on fire, and the prayer had been answered... by Satan."
2. Marge In Chains - "Your Honor, I move for a bad court thingy."
1. Deep Space Homer - Too many brilliant quotes to pick just one. Anyone that doesn't think this is the funniest episode is a communist.

Honorable mention: Girly Edition - The first episode of the cat-throwing woman, a recurring character.