i like things that are funny and taste like pizza.

ok, this doesn't qualify as a My Rants, because none of it is original. this is something i found a few years ago, and i always thought it was funny. if i remember right, bethany gillen sent it to me. whoops, i could have retained her anonymity. Hereafter, she will be known as Spethany Spillen. i'm not going to erase her name though. again, i'm not into that whole "erasing" thing. a little too fruity for me, somehow. i'll shut up now.

A few things that irritate me, by Some Guy On The Internet

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?
2. People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the tv remote because they refuse to walk to the tv and change the channel manually.
3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too".
Damn right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it?
4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is.Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?
5. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?" Didn't really give me a choice there, did you sunshine?
6. When something is "new and improved"!
Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it.
7. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?" If the bus came would I be standing here, Knobhead? Feel free to add to the list :)

ok, that one wasn't as funny as i remember. but this one is more my speed nowadays. from the same website. i love dark humor. sometimes.

-When the gag slips out and they start screaming loud enough for your neighbors to hear before you get a chance to inject them with the sedative
-When you are chopping away happily and the axe-head flies off the haft, through their living room window and onto the front lawn just as a cop car is driving by
-When your freezer loses power and everything spoils before you get a chance to sell the kidneys on the black market for heroin
-No. 3 pencils