Longest. Blog. Ever.

yesterday i went to the driving range. if you don't know what that is (i assume it's common knowledge, but i guess if you're not into sports you might not know, so sorry if it sounds like i'm patronizing you), it's where you go and hit golf balls as hard as you can. well, that's what i do because i suck. other people were working on their "arsenal" of shots, which made no sense to me. like this guy next to me... he was hitting the ball STRAIGHT UP like 100 feet in the air. pretty impressive. um... "couldn't you have done that in your backyard for...uh... free?"

then these other girls came over, so of course i had to try to drive further than them. on one of my first shots, i completely missed the ball, which i hadn't done for the first 75 balls or so. awesome. i think i heard them talking about me. i would too, if i were them. it was pretty funny.

my favorite part of this experience was the fact that they were trying to teach "Sara" how to hit the ball. this was clearly her first time ever picking up a golf club. again, i should reiterate that i suck at golf.

so.... Sara was doing fairly well for a beginner, but her friends were SUCKING HER COCK LIKE IT WAS THEIR JOB.

"Oh my God Sara! that's so good!"
"Are you sure this is your first time?"
"SARA!!! gosh, you're amazing!"

this went ON and ON and ON. so trite. i was just hoping one of her other friends would somehow shatter her fragile confidence. like, "eh... she's not that great."

also, i forgot to bring tees (this is turning into a long blog... i doubt anyone's still reading)... tees are what you put the golf ball on. ok, that was intentionally condescending. i had to ask this guy to borrow (meaning have and never give back) some tees. the guy had a "i'm a crazy serial killer dressed like a college professor but no one knows i'm leading a double life" type of look. when he gave me the tees, i felt a chill go through my very soul. he looked at me as if to say, "if you only knew how many bodies i have in my basement and the sexual rituals i've performed on them, you'd ask Sara if you could borrow some of her tees instead. God, Sara is hot. She'd look even hotter if she was doused with Holy water and buried in my basement." Either that, or he's a college professor.